margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Randomize
