i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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