You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
