I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
