i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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