Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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