you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
