Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I met the friendliest cop last night
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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