Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
These tits shall not be calmed
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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