And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
