if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
