I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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