Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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