A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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