Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
