I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
