Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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