my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize