i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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