Can i not drive my cunt home
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
