How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
