Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
