I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
