I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Im part way to drunk.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
