Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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