I faked an abortion last night.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
