New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
