Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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