I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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