maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
