I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
