I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize