so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I looked at my own cervix.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
