Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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