No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
