Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
