I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
