You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
