i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
