So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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