I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
