My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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