You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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