Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
