Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize