i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
