I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize