I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
they're like a gay fantastic four
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
