I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Randomize
