did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
