Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize