The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
