She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
