Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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