Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
