Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize