dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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