I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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