Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
