i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
