well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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