Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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