she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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