Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
