why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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