Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
