So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
