You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
