He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
