I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
