she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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