If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
