The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
