Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize