In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
