I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
