Moan for me like Helen Keller
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
