we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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