he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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