I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
