I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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