Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
