i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
