We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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