party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
