new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
