Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
