Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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