White coat. Heels.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
