Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
