This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize