Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
