Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
