I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
