I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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