getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
