just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
