You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
