I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
