It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
