I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
