she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
