Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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