Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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