does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Randomize
