btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
