you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize