I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
