...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
