He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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