What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
