you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
you never un-have a 4some
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
