It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
